A Picture is Worth a Thousand Memories...

And not all of them are always good.

Since I can remember, I've always had a camera in my hand. I loved taking photos of anyone that would let me and everything that was around me. When I was little I was a bit of a ham... loved having my photo taken. As I got older I became more behind the camera and but still enjoyed being in a picture. Until recently... packing on those extra pounds really makes you stay away from the from of the camera. But this post really isn't about photos of me... it's about the collection of photos I've gathered over the years.

With the digital age, it's easy to deal with a photo attached to bad memories. You can just delete it, or you could toss it in a file and bury it away. But printed photos. They just sit there, waiting to be framed or put in an album or if they are lucky enough, scrapbooked. And I am/was a scrapbooker. Used to be really into it, scrapping every little event. Now, if I feel like scrapping anything it's only pictures of high school or earlier, Disney trips, or maybe my childhood. That's it. Everything from 1995 to present day that isn't Disney related... I don't even want to look at them.

And there are many, MANY more photos than this. About 3 more boxes full.

That brings me to current emotional dilemma. What to do with years of photos, some which are actually painful to look at? See, a lot of pictures from `95 to about `03 are of mostly the same people. And a number of those people I am no longer friends with, but that's a story for another post. The short version is I pretty much suck as a friend. Thanks to Facebook, however, a few have reached out and we've sort of become at least FB friends, and maybe someday we can be back to the level we once were. Anyways, these people are for the most part still friends with the rest of the group. So, since I can't bare to toss a photo... I've been mailing the photos to them. I've kept a few that still make me smile. And sets I've asked them to pass on to those I've done wrong, I've removed all images of me. What happens to the photos when they leave my house is up to them. I just hope they find a place that brings more smiles than tears.

Oh, and I did get a little pyromaniac on a few of them... all ex-boyfriends and all not so great photos - blurry, closed eyes, stupid faces. I thought it would make me feel... I don't know, better? But it didn't. All it did was almost set all the dead trees around the old stone grill I used. I can see the headline now "Fire Captain's Daughter Sets Fire to Backyard Woods." Ugh, neither dad or I would ever live THAT one down! Thank goodness we still had piles of snow around... it makes a great fire extinguisher!   

Anyways... the reason it didn't make me feel any better? It's never been a problem with ex-boyfriends. There was always closure, no longer love. The problem is with ex-friends... people who deep down I still love and miss very much. That's were the hurt is. And it's a hurt I'm just either going to have to live with or move on... because it's been 10 years and I don't think mending the break is an option any longer. 

I can only work on the photos a little at a time, some because I just don't know if I should pass them on or toss and because a number of them... I don't remember what the memory behind the photo is. Not sure if it's selective memory, a side effect of 16 pills a day, or my one sharp memory is starting to fail. And after an hour of all that... it just becomes too much to deal with the frustration.

At least the postage of mailing on the pictures and having a mini bonfire cost is a lot less than a visit to my therapist!